Dick and Jane Go To College - A Randy Reader
Author's note: It might be helpful for you to know
that the Dick and Jane Randy Readers do not consist of a running
narrative about their lives. Each story is independent of the
others. If it helps further, you may consider them Dick and
Jane stories from alternate dimensions. Dick is, after all,
going to grow up to become an expert in string theory. At
least in one of those dimensions. That might be why, in that
dimension, Jane prefers Spot. But that's another story.
Hi again, boys and girls! It's wonderful to see you. I
thought we could catch up on what our friends are doing. They're all grown up now, and are going new places and learning new things!
See Dick and Jane. They aren't at home any more.
Where are they?
Well, it's a place called college.
It's a place a lot like high school, except there are no rent-a-cops
yelling for you to stop running in the halls.
Dick and Jane had to leave home to go to college, but don't feel bad
for them. They get to be roommates in college. That means
they live in the same room together.
Why would they want to do that?
Well, it's financially important for them to be roommates, because
college is very expensive. They need to save money wherever they
Like for instance, when you live in the same room, you only need to buy
one bed, instead of two.
And they don't have to have the heat up high, because they rub against
each other all night to create heat!
How does that work?
Well, I'm glad you asked. I'll tell you all about it.
First, we have to pretend Dick and Jane just got to college. That
was about six months ago.
See Jane signing up for classes?
See her sign up for a class named Thermodynamics? Wow! What
a big word!
What is thermodynamics?
See Professor Thompson trying to explain it. Professor Thompson
is the teacher of this class. See Jane having a tough time
That's because Thermodynamics is an upper division class, and Jane is
just a Freshman.
But that's okay. See Professor Thompson inviting Jane to see him
after school for intensive make up training?
I wonder what intensive make up training is.
See him welcome her into his house? Professor Thompson is very
friendly, isn't he. What a nice man!
See him offer to take her coat?
See him offer to take her blouse?
See him offer to take her jeans?
See him offer to put Jane's panties and bra in the washing
machine? That's because doing laundry is expensive, and if he
does her laundry for her, it will save her money.
My goodness, boys and girls! Look at Jane now! The last
time we saw her she was just a girl, and her Uncle Bob was teaching her
how to be nice to men so that lots of men would like her when she went
away to college. She was naked then too, remember?
But she didn't look like she does now. Wow! Jane has grown
up a lot!
See her big, soft, thrusting breasts? They are much bigger than
when Uncle Bob squeezed them.
See her big, hard, cherry colored nipples? They were much smaller
when Uncle Bob sucked on them.
And what's that down there between her legs?
Why, it's nothing! When Uncle Bob showed her how to be nice to
men she had hair down there. But now it's gone! I wonder
what happened to it. Maybe she rode a horse too hard and it all
See Professor Thompson taking his clothes off too. Isn't he
nice? He doesn't want Jane to feel self-conscious about being the
only naked person in the room.
My goodness! Professor Thompson is obviously all grown up.
Look at the size of his penis! It's definitely a grown up penis!
It looks just like Uncle Bob's penis, doesn't it? It's very long
and very hard, just like his was.
Well, look at that! Jane has remembered what Uncle Bob taught
her. See her putting her mouth on Professor Thompson's penis and
sucking hard? That corrects a hormonal imbalance that most men
have. Jane knows this because Uncle Bob taught her that.
What's happening now? Why is Professor Thompson stopping
Jane? She hasn't had enough time to suck all the bad hormones out
of his penis.
Ahhhh, yes. Now I remember. He's going to put his penis in
Jane's vagina. That's another way to correct the imbalance.
I had forgotten that part.
See Professor Thompson fucking Jane lustily.
What's that? You want to know what "fuck" means? Well
aren't you lucky, because I just happen to know.
The F stands for "friction". The u means "until". The c stands for
"cock" and the k means "Krishna". So when you put them all
together, it means "Friction until cock Krishna."
That's an East Indian word that means several things. In this
case, it means that the cock becomes supreme and is in control of
everything. The East Indian people are very knowledgeable about
these things. They even wrote a book all about fucking.
It's called the Kama Sutra. But for our purposes, all it means is
that Professor Thompson is going to push his cock in and out of Jane
until his penis is completely in charge of them both.
That sounds stressful, doesn't it, boys and girls? But don't
worry. Pretty soon Professor Thompson's cock will announce its
supremacy by spitting sacred milk into Jane's belly.
Yes, I know this all sounds very strange, boys and girls. But we
must trust the East Indians. They've been around a lot longer
than us Americans. I'm sure they know what they're talking about.
What is Jane saying now?
Jane is moaning that she's not on anything.
How odd! She's clearly on Professor Thompson's bed. Jane
must be confused.
Wait! See there, boys and girls? What did I tell you?
See Professor Thompson huffing and puffing? See him take his
penis out of Jane? See all the sacred Krishna milk shooting out
of his penis?
Wait! I thought he was supposed to put that milk inside Jane's
vagina! Is something wrong here?
And what does all this have to do with thermodynamics?
I'm very confused, boys and girls. Let's go find Dick and see
what he's doing. Whenever Uncle Bob fucked Jane, back home,
whenever he spurted the sacred milk they just laid there for a long
time afterwards. That was boring, wasn't it?
See Dick in the locker room at the football stadium?
Dick asked if he could be on the football team. And they let
We missed the practice, though. What a shame. It's fun to
watch boys throw balls and tackle each other.
But that's hard work, and it makes you all sweaty. That's why
Dick is in the shower room at the locker room, taking a shower.
See Dick's penis? Wow! It's even longer and harder than
Professor Thompson's. That must be genetic. Uncle Bob's
penis is huge like that too.
See Dick wash his enormous penis thoroughly? He has to slide his
hand up and down its length to get it all clean and un-sweaty.
Wait! Someone is coming! Let's hide and see who it is!
It's a girl! Oh, I see. She has on a cheerleading
uniform. She must be a cheerleader. Cheerleaders jump all
around the place, and they get sweaty too.
Uh, oh. Dick is in trouble. Hear the cheerleader yelling at
him? She's saying he's in the wrong locker room! I don't
think she should yell at him. He's new here, and anybody could
get lost on their first day.
See Dick turn around and face the cheerleader? Hear him apologize?
Hear her say, "Oh-em-gee, you have a fucking horse cock!"?
This girl is obviously silly. Dick can't have a horse cock.
He's a boy, not a horse! Anybody could see that.
Wait! We're going to learn a new word today, boys and
girls. The word is "conciliatory." She's being conciliatory
to Dick by telling him anybody could make a mistake like that, and
welcoming him to stay there and finish his shower. In fact, she's
offering to help him finish his shower.
What a nice girl! She must know how nervous Freshmen are when
they first arrive at college, and she's trying to be welcoming and
See the girl taking off her uniform? What a grown up girl.
Just like Jane, she has large, soft breasts, and no hair between her
legs. Girls are going to have to stop riding horses. It's
obviously too hard on them!
Well look at that, boys and girls. Somebody taught the
cheerleader how to be nice to men too. See her put her mouth on
Dick's cock to help him with his hormones?
Wait! What's she doing now? She stopped sucking on Dick's
cock. Now she's trying to climb him like he was a tree!
What a silly girl! Dick isn't a tree. And he's all wet and
soapy and slippery too.
What did I tell you? See the cheerleader slip and fall.
She's lucky that her pussy landed on Dick's cock. It went inside
her and stopped her from falling all the way to the floor. She
could have been injured!
Uh, oh. This cheerleader girl must not have fucked before.
It sounds like she's in pain. Hear her moan piteously? See
her trying to jump off of his cock? She's trying very hard to
jump up, over and over and over again, to get off his cock. But
it's not working. You'd have thought a cheerleader could jump
better than that.
Maybe it's because Dick is taller than her, and her toes can barely
reach the floor.
Hear the cheerleader yelling that she's coming? This girl is
extremely silly. She's already been there for ten minutes!
Hear Dick try to make her feel less silly? He's yelling that he's
coming too. How nice of Dick to try to make her feel better.
She must be thankful about that. See her kiss Dick over and over?
I think it's time to check back in on Jane and see if she's learning
anything about thermodynamics yet.
See Professor Thompson hulking over poor Jane, fucking her again?!
Professor Thompson's hormones must be really out of whack.
Wait. What's he saying?
Hear Professor Thompson talking about how friction creates heat?
Hear him point out how his penis sliding in and out of her vagina
creates friction? Hear him talk about how delightfully tight
Jane's pussy is, and how much friction it's causing on his penis?
I wonder what lunging into her and making the whole bed bounce up and
down has to do with friction. Maybe I should have gone to college.
Now hear Professor Thompson talking about the co efficiency of fluid
dynamics and thermodynamics? I wonder what that means?
Thank goodness he's explaining it. Hear him tell Jane he's going
to squirt fluid inside her to lessen the friction so that his penis
doesn't catch fire and burn up? I bet that's the sacred milk he's talking about.
Jane is still confused, though. Hear her yelling that she's not
on anything again? Maybe that's because every once in a while he
fucks her so hard she bounces up off the bed.
Okay. Good. He stopped. I was worried about Jane's
pussy bursting in to flames, there for a second. But he stopped,
and is holding very still, pushed all the way inside her. I
wonder why his balls are jumping around like that.
Jane's pussy must have gotten too hot because of all the
friction. She just called him a bastard!
Oh well. It looks like they'll just lie there and do nothing for
a while. Let's go see if Dick is finished with his shower.
See Dick at the art studio. He's all squeaky clean and dressed
again. That cheerleader did a great job of helping him finish his
Wait. Why is that woman telling Dick to take his clothes off
Oh, I see. This is a class in drawing the human figure.
She's the teacher, and Dick is going to pose for the students. He
must be doing this to make some money to help with expenses.
Isn't Dick a fine figure of a man?
See his chiseled muscles?
See his narrow waist?
See his long, floppy penis?
Why are all the girls in the class gasping?
Why do all the boys in the class look unhappy?
Why is the teacher coming over to stand right in front of him?
Hear her say that today's assignment is to draw a picture of the erect
But Dick's penis isn't erect! Oh no! Whatever will he do?
See her reach to lift and squeeze Dick's long, floppy penis.
Why is she unbuttoning her blouse three buttons? If she's not
careful Dick will be able to see her breasts!
Wait. Dick's penis isn't so floppy any more.
There we go. Now it's nice and stiff. Whew! Dick was
lucky that his teacher would help him.
Well, it's going to be boring just watching people draw Dick's
penis. Let's go check in on Jane.
See Jane in another class. This one is called Physics. Boy,
Jane sure has signed up for a lot of hard classes!
What is physics?
Well, it's about science.
What kind of science?
Well, right now the professor is talking about a man named Isaac
Newton. He discovered gravity.
Pretty cool, huh? Apparently we used to all float around like we
were in space. But then Isaac Newton discovered gravity and now
we can all walk around on the ground.
Hear Jane ask if there will be a chance to get extra credit. We should
be proud of Jane. She wants to make sure she gets a good grade.
Hear Professor Jackson tell her he'd be happy to discuss extra credit
with her that evening at his home.
Boy, these professors sure are welcoming and friendly!
See Jane arrive at Professor Jackson's house. It's pretty dark in
there. There are only one or two lights on.
Maybe Professor Jackson can't afford light bulbs. Everybody knows
how little teachers get paid.
Well, how about that! Professor Jackson is offering to help Jane
with her laundry too! And he's even nicer. He's going to
wash all her clothes, not just her bra and panties.
See Jane's cherry nipples get all hard and perky.
That's because it's kind of cool in Professor Jackson's house.
He probably can't afford heat either.
See him offer to keep her warm by using the tenets of thermodynamics?
Jane must be proud that she's learned so much already in college. See
her say she already knows about thermodynamics, and that it's too
dangerous for her to be messing around with at this time of the month.
That's right, children. Sometimes science can be dangerous.
If you're going to experiment with science, you must make sure there's
an adult present. Like your parents. Or if they're too
busy, maybe Uncle Bob would help keep an eye on you.
Hear Professor Jackson offer to teach Jane more about Newtonian Science?
Hear Professor Jackson say Newton invented three laws of motion?
Wow! I didn't even know Newton was a policeman!
This may be interesting. Professor Jackson says he has to be
naked to teach Jane about the laws of motion.
Hear Professor Jackson say the first law is: When viewed in an
inertial reference frame, an object either remains at rest or continues
to move at a constant velocity, unless acted upon by an external force.
Boy! That sounds hard! I can see why Jane wants extra
credit. Let's keep watching. Maybe we'll learn something.
Hear Professor Jackson say the inertial reference frame they're going
to be in is his bedroom.
See him put Jane on the bed and climb on top of her.
See him put the tip of his very hard penis right in the opening of her
pussy and then freeze.
Hear him say that his cock is at rest, and would stay that way unless
acted on by an external force.
Hear him say that his hips are an external force, and demonstrate how
they can act on his penis by pushing it downward.
Jane must like learning about science. Hear her say how fucking
good that is?
Hear Professor Jackson say Newton's second law of motion is that the
vector sum of the external forces F on an object is equal to the mass m
of that object multiplied by the acceleration vector a of the object: F
Sorry, children. I know now why I didn't go to college.
It's too fucking hard to understand!
Wait. Hear Professor Jackson explain it to Jane.
Hear him say that as the force acting upon an object is increased, the
acceleration of the object is increased.
See him demonstrate how his hips can make his penis go in and out of
her pussy really fast!
Now he's saying that as the mass of an object is increased, the
acceleration of the object is decreased.
Hear Jane say his cock is so big?
Hear Professor Jackson say Jane's pussy is so tight?
See him slow down?
Hear him tell Jane that Newton's third law of motion is that when one
body exerts a force on a second body, the second body simultaneously
exerts a force equal in magnitude and opposite in direction on the
What does that mean?
Hear him explain that that means Jane must fuck back at him.
Whew! College is hard.
Hear them both panting like they just ran a mile?
Hear Professor Jackson explain that another force, inside his balls, is
about to act on his sperms, and make them move through his cock and
into her pussy.
Hear Jane moan that he mustn't do that because she's not on anything.
What is with Jane? She's on the bed, just like she was on
Professor Thompson's bed!
Hear Professor Jackson say that's okay, because the next thing he wants
to teach her about is reproduction.
Boy. I can't keep up. First she has to learn about three
laws, and now another lesson right away?
College is hard!
Wow! Professor Jackson must be trying to slip in yet another
lesson. This one must be about the languages of aborigines,
because he's making grunting, gasping sounds as he tries to reach
Krishna with his cock.
Why is Jane calling Professor Jackson a bastard too?
It must be a nickname for college professors.
Maybe we should check back in on Dick.
The art students can't draw Dick's erect penis any more, because they
can't see Dick's penis any more. The teacher must have changed
her mind about the assignment. Now the assignment is to draw two
naked humans in the act of coitus.
That's a fancy name for fucking.
See how the teacher is making it challenging for the art
students? See how she has climbed on Dick's lap, facing him, and
is sitting on him with his cock in her pussy? That means the art
students have to draw both bodies.
I told you college is hard.
It would be easier if she'd sit still, instead of moving around so much.
She's moaning a lot too, and I'm sure that's distracting. It
sounds like she's in pain.
I bet she's East Indian or something. Hear her chant, "Oh fuck,
oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck."
Hear some of the girl art students saying it isn't fair for the teacher
to hog the model.
I bet they only want to draw one body, instead of two.
Uh oh. Dick must be tired of posing. See Dick stand up.
See Dick try to shake the art teacher off his cock.
It's just like when he was with that cheerleader in the shower room.
See Dick jerking and jumping.
But it's not doing any good. She's stuck on his cock, just like
that cheerleader was.
Hear the teacher keep chanting.
Dick doesn't know about East Indian beliefs, though.
So he's just going to say the same thing that made the cheerleader
happy, that he's coming.
Now they're finally holding still again, so the art students can try to
Those art students have to learn to draw fast!
Uh oh. Dick just stepped back, and his cock is soft now, and
dripping white stuff.
That means he squirted his sperms inside the teacher.
He's going to be in big trouble now!
We don't want to watch Dick get a spanking. Let's go check on
Wow. Jane must be having a hard time understanding Newton's three
laws of motion.
Professor Jackson is demonstrating them again!
Hear Jane saying that if he isn't careful he's going to get her
Hear Professor Jackson express his joy that she finally understands
what he's trying to teach her about reproduction.
See him push in hard and freeze again?
I wonder what force is acting on his balls to make them jump like that.
Hear Jane use that nickname for college professors again.
See Dick and Jane in their room. It's evening, and another day of
college is finally over.
College is so much work it always makes you sweaty.
That's why Dick and Jane are taking a shower.
And they're taking it together. I bet that is to save water and
Hear Jane say that Professor Jackson probably got her pregnant that day.
Dick is not happy about that!
Hear her say it wasn't her fault. She says was Isaac Newton's
Hear Dick become confused and say he thought she said it was Professor
Jackson who fucked her, and not Isaac Newton.
Hear Jane explain who Isaac Newton was. Isn't it wonderful that
she's sharing her college knowledge with her brother?
Hear Dick show how clever he is by figuring out the laws of motion.
Hear him say, "Like this?" as he climbs on top of her and puts his
penis in her vagina.
Hear her praise him for being so smart.
Hear him say, "And did he squirt in you like this?"
Hear her use another big college word. I wonder what "ovulating"
Whatever it is, Dick is happy about it.
Hear him say he's going to help Jane.
Hear him say he's going to do his best to make sure she doesn't have
Professor Jackson's baby.
I bet that's going to involve another hard college lesson.
I don't think I have it in me to learn any more today.
I guess we'll have to leave it there, boys and girls.
Maybe we'll check in on Dick and Jane in college on another day.
Right now, I think I want to try explaining Newton's three laws of
motion to my sister, Chrissy.
She says she wants to go to college some day.
That reminds me.
We should always obey the law, right?
So if you have a brother or sister, make sure you teach them about
Newton's laws too.
Bye, bye, boys and girls. See you next time!
Thoughts or comments may be sent to